Borders of love

Happy Naw Ruz

It is a little after two am and I wake up all the sudden and could not go back to sleep. I thought to myself it is Naw Ruz day I don’t need to wake up to eat for fasting why I did not wake up this early during the fast and eat as for several days I had to fasted with having a cup of water in the morning only that day would have been nice if I had woken up early.. But here I am up early and can’t sleep. A million thought is running in my head. I remember when I was a kids I would be so looking forward to Naw Ruz to wake up to the beautiful table full of sweet the clean house as it would have taken us days to prepare the painting at the windows the new clothes the beautiful table cloth flowing from the table. But that is not keeping me up now. My mom having the perfect house and my dad finding the needy and bring them home, all the neighbors visiting all day to the late hours of the night. My mom working hard to making them feel at home at the same time she is trying to put food on the table for her 5 kids, a husband and the endless number of guests that my dad managed to invite. And off course visiting my dad’s uncles who would be waiting patiently for our visit. that is how we would have spent our Naw Ruz.

As I sat last night with my cousin and his family (who are here for pilgrimage at the perfect time) at the lower street in Haifa with a perfect view to the Shrine above us, food kept coming the dessert on the table ready just on time after we finished our food, the kids playing, talking, sitting under the perfect citreous tree with the heavenly smell a lady walk by with roses and my cousin could not help but getting roses for the ladies on the table including his 3 month old girl. I could not stop thinking of my mom and dad and the people I love most. It was truly an amazing evening to break the last day of the fast.

During the day while my cousin and his family were in pilgrimage and it was my girls first day off school after their exams, we spent the day with a friend that is here visiting his sister. I know that it was a time that my girls would never forget. This young handsome boy of 24 years old who somehow connected to my girls like magic while driving to Nazareth with him he so freely talked about his past as a black child adopted by the perfect white Baha’i family then at the age of 12 both of his parents died a sudden death in an accident. How a white kid inside and black on the outside would have to survive this harsh world. He spoke of his long nights and where he is now and how he made it. I don’t know how we moved from place to place we started our day at 9 am and got home at 4 pm how the hours went no idea how we traveled so smooth from place to place and city to city so freely was amazing. I was fasting so my day at the end started to seem long and tiring but not sure where my energy came from. For a while we were at the beach of Akka we walked alone and the three of them it was nothing in their mind but tying to walk across the rock formation at the sea to make it out as far as possible into the open sea so focused working together in such a unity bonding together and talking about life. I know that I was giving my kids the kind of Naw Ruz that they will always remember.
To me as both my parents had passed away it is not about cleaning my house. Even thought to tell you the truth I have tried for the last 4 days to clean like crazy. We have what is called a sand storm. The whole city is covered of sand for 4 days you can hardly breath and as soon as you clean as soon as the dost accumulate so I was fighting a losing battle. But truly it is the time that I have with the people that I love what matters. It is not about how long you knew someone it is about where your heart is. Somehow after a year and a half I would think that things would get easy and I get used to being away from the people I love so much and the truth is it just gets harder everyday my heart aches to be away. It is so hard to write as I feel like it is impossible for me to express even ½ what I am feeling so many thoughts so many things happen all the time I can hardly process things and figure it out myself let alone try to write about it. If I would to write to you about the kids and how they survive the exams I would have to write forever. There are things like walking around the Shrine and being inside I would not even try to explain. If I talk about the struggle you would think I am the most unhappy person, if I tried to explain the feeling of joy being around the holy places you would have to leave and come as you would think it is heave and if I tell you of what is in my heart and how much I miss the people I love you would think that I am the most lonely person that you have meet. If I explain a joy of being at one of the dinners and the unity and love that is in that room the food the hospitality you would think I am the luckiest person in the world but the truth is that being here every things seem to be so magnified and somehow you manage to be that one person that is walking around with all of these feeling so now you can see why I have not written.

I know what I should tell you, I can talk to you about Yasmeen’s field trip to Jabal El Sheik “on the love borders of Lebanon and Israel” Mount Herman but I will wait to show you the pictures so the next update I will be normal and just update all the pictures and tell you about what is going on and not what is in my head at the early AM hours. Until then have a wonderful NAW RUZ and enjoy what the first day of spring will bring to you...