I can’t believe it has been 10 years since I last posted. It truly feels like a lifetime. Most of the posts before were to update family and loved ones about what was going on with my family. But this time, I am writing because I missed having this space to write, to look back on my days or weeks or months and in this case, years.

Looking at the pictures from the last post, I still can’t believe Jeyden is now almost 6 feet tall and 14 years old. He’s grown into his beautiful soul, still that sweet, kind, loving boy in a big brain and an even bigger body. he is finding his style, his music, dreaming about his future, building friendships. watching him getting closer to being a youth is such a joy. My love grow each day more and more for this sweet boy.  I am beyond grateful to have Nadia physically close to us now. Her sweet, loving smile and gentle soul are sometimes all I need to get through the day sometimes. She is discovering her own beautiful soul and navigating new paths in life in such grace working through her tests. We are now a family of eight, as Yasmeen’s family has grown by three in the last few years. She and Cain figuring out how two souls unit and watching them navigate life. Watching her grow as a women and wife and mother the test, struggles and joy. realizing that it is their path to take and for me to learn to give love and support to all of them but to let them write their own story. Not easy at least for this mom to learn to let go. Somehow watching your kids stubble is not easy.  Enjoying every smile every happy occasion gives you the strength to make it through the hard time. Just when you think you have all the love you need, new life comes into your family and shows you that love is endless. Sweet Kiro has brought so much joy and happiness to all the lives he is becoming part of, and now we are all patiently awaiting the arrival of his sister. 

These last teen years, I feel like I’ve been running a marathon. Living in GA, I still haven’t found my place to reflect and just be. We have more money, a bigger home, and more people around us; but something is missing. I love the mountains, the rivers, the waterfalls, but somehow I still haven’t made a home for my soul here. I miss walking in the gardens in Haifa and Akka; the Ridván Garden was my heaven on earth. I miss being by the beach. My soul still longs to be in the Shrines. Somehow that reminds me of Dad, I think he felt the same way being away from Mount Carmel and the Shrines.

I’ve been thinking about him and my mom so much lately. For so long I wasn’t able to cry, but lately the tears have been washing my sorrow so much easier. I smile right after, thinking of the happy, warm, safe feeling I had when I was home or just next to them. I pray every night that I can give my kids some of that same feeling. The world seems so scary, the future so uncertain. It feels more important than ever for us to connect, love, and support each other. I miss being physically close to my sisters and brother. I talked to them daily but I’m not sure why, they seem even farther away now than when I lived on the other side of the world. Maybe because when we were overseas, we had plans and knew exactly when we going to see them and for how long and we looked forward to those plans.  Now everything is closer and so much easier, but everyone is so busy, and life seems more hectic. 

My mind is so grateful for all the good things in my life so much I could write a book about them, but my heart is heavy. I keep thinking of this quote: “Love is a light that never dwelleth in a heart possessed by fear.” Am I so worried about my loved ones that it’s overshadowing the love in my heart for me? I hope not.  I am really trying to find myself again.  Finding my happy place to feel more the love and be more detached from things I have no control of. 

A few weeks ago, I broke a few bones in my ankle, which has kept me in bed for the last five weeks. It forced me to isolate myself, some of it by necessity but most of it by choice, as I realized this is a good time for me to filter out the noise and the busy world from my daily life.

I’m so happy to be writing again, and to be back in this space that feels like a small happy place for me. 

 

 

Growing family

I am not ready for him to grow this fast

    

    Adding more sweetness to our family